The Ultimate Christmas Cover Disaster

By Chris Spangenberg, grade 10

With Christmas rapidly approaching, radio stations have taken it upon themselves to blast their festive theme music through the airwaves. This is lovely, when they're jamming a classic Christmas track such as Frank Sinatra or the like. However, when I hear covers of Christmas melodies, or even worse, covers of covers of Christmas tracks, I have a vague notion that we need not wait for the apocalypse next year; the 4th horseman is already shredding my eardrums to pieces. Covers of Christmas tracks are downright obnoxious. Not only is a classic being ruined but, whatever you do by caterwauling your way through the track you will never be able to recreate that warm, fuzzy effect you get when listening to a Christmas groove. Come up with your own stuff, for one. And if you do come up with a new song about Christmas, make sure it doesn’t contain the words “Snow”, “Mistletoe”, “Bells”, or “Reindeer”. I've heard enough of the word mistletoe to fill a warehouse, enough of snow to make fifteen thousand igloos, and enough of reindeer to start my own slaughterhouse. Seriously, the amount of Christmas clichés you'll find when listening to songs these days is astonishing. Not to mention it is getting old, fast. What we need is a new classic, but I'm afraid everything's been done before. I dare the music industry to prove me wrong.