The Carson Graham North and South campuses, it has recently been discovered, are under siege by the Fervidus Indocilus. The Fervidus Indocilus bacterium is a well known bacteria which grows along piping. Currently the contaminated area has been restricted to damp spaces at room temperature. Storage areas, such as lockers and bathrooms, have been diagnosed as high risk. The apparent cause of this infection is as of yet unknown, however, it seems to have originated from Southern North America, and may in fact be connected to the recent Global Initiatives trip to Mexico; concerned parents should contact Mr. R. Olsen. The Health Board of Canada has suggested the temporary suspension of all classes until the construction of the new, uncontaminated school is complete. Says a Health Board official; “This epidemic is truly outrageous. We are currently sending our best people forward for the task of protecting and serving our Nation's schools.” As such, student's grades will be now be dispensed based on the sheen of their hair, until further notice.
